Chess?

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

I know this should be in Gen. Discussion, but it's closed, and I'm pretty bored.

Simply play chess vs. OP (Me) in chess via. rank n' file system.

I'm white.

Pawn to D4

[allison]

Pawn to Z9

I throw the pawn across the room. It bounces off the wall, collides with your king, and pushes him in just the right position to cause a checkmate.

I win.

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

B**** please, I already snapped your king in half. What now, wise guy?

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

And then i knock over all your pieces.

checkm8

[allison]

And then i knock over all your pieces.

checkm8

But the king's halves can still struggle around! Now you have to trap *both* off them!

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

Then I remold your king, and then chuck it down a sink drain!

[allison]

I point my shrinking ray at my head, shoot myself, and go down the drain!

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

All part of the plan! I use the garbage disposal (No offense) and whisk you away!

[allison]

The police arrest you for garbageacide! You are thus disqualified! Since I am dead, it comes to a stalemate!

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

You did not die, so I was'nt arrested. You instead go to Japan, where you marry a pretty robot wife, have 2 cyborg kids, and realize you have a chess game to finish, so you come back here.

[allison]

I shrink one of my children. He becomes the king, and the game resumes.

Your turn.

[ToasterApocalypse]

I shrink one of my children. He becomes the king, and the game resumes.

Your turn.

I launch a nuclear bomb that can destroy the world.

The world is destroyed.

[A quite MEDICal Derpfish]

Meanwhile, I "Played the game for you", and captured all your pieces except a bishop, still have all of my pieces.